When you wake up, although everything is the same and things and people are moving forward what you see is dullness. The feelings are empty. You have friends who whatsapp you or send you interesting things via Facebook or even twitter is being updated constantly all you feel is loneliness. You consult your friends and they try their best to be there but there is so much they can do, you tell your family and they are unsure on how to help, you tell you partner and all he could do is so little because he is working and too busy for himself to even be there.
There are times where you see your friends, you have laughs, joke around and even take photos all smiling and happy. You are with you family having a lovely dinner together and smiling. You are with your partner and holding hands. You have a lovely job/internship. In front of everyone you are the happiest individual, full of energy and having a positive outlook in life and looking to move forward.
You have a supportive family, friendly friends and someone who loves you. Yet you feel alone. You burst out in tears not knowing the purpose or reason. There is no reason. Why? This is depression.
You close your door and it's night time , you jump into bed and the cycle repeats itself. Tears, loneliness and feeling worthless. The things you used to enjoy doing or eating doesn't seem interesting but instead, it feels like a chore. Seeking help is the scariest but at the same time most worthwhile action to do. Sometimes talking to strangers may be easier but you would just keep it to yourself. You feel if you tell someone you are dragging them down and feel like a burden.
I've gone through that a few months ago and fortunately it has improved. Most people would have experienced this suddenly on an unexpected day - I was once diagnosed with clinical depression in November 2012 as it was difficult, and living away from home, close friend being in different countries was difficult. I am lucky as I could take a few train journeys and I was home and I had my best friend there for me. March 2014 it came back again and although it seems strange how someone as lively as myself would suffer from it. But we never know what each other is going through or battling through. There isn't a known case of depression down the family (as far as I am aware), depression isn't a topic discussed often in the family and I can understand why many choose not to tell one another.
It's August 2014 now and so far I am good. If there is a pattern I am expected this to come back again in 2016 but let's hope it doesn't. Talking things out is always good but sometimes it's difficult speaking to close people, I have looked online and discovered the Samaritans number, I am sure they are able to help listen to the issues:
08457909090 I personally haven't used them before however it is a starting point for those going through a downside.
Monday, 11 August 2014
Saturday, 22 March 2014
Sunflower
When I was young, I used to see sunflower as the flower that moves towards the sun. As I get older and recently discovered more that sunflower is a flower of hope.
The sunflower moves itself in the most direct position in front of the sun just so it can get the maximum amount of sun rays.
To many spiritual faith and beliefs this movement symbolises spiritual faith as we follow our belief system just like the sunflower moves to face the life-giving rays of the sun.
I particularly like a Greek symbol of sunflower, according to a story the sunflower is a symbol of a water nymph known as "Clytie". Clytie turned into a sunflower after grieving over the loss of her love "Appllo".
As the sunflower (Clytie) is always moving to face the sun is because she is looking for Appllo's return so she might once again be together with her love.
As I am Chinese the sunflower represents "long life" and "good luck" the yellow is simply a colour of luck, power and intelligence as well as happiness.
I never planted a sunflower in my life before, the last time where I touched a sunflower seed was when I was around the age of 11 in a French class on a Saturday and as learnt how to say "Happy Mother's Day" and I made a sunflower card don't dear mother.
Many years later, being the age of 23 I am touching sunflower seeds again for a different reason. I think about the special person who is currently under a lot of stress. I hope things will improve soon. I hope the relationship between myself and that person will improve and grow to be strong.
A lot of hoping here but a main reason why the sunflower is so special is, I once watched a video when I was younger and they used to scare me a little as they seem to move along in different directions. I always imagine a sunflower inside it's pot, standing tall, the leaves are the hands and it has adorable beady eyes saying "Don't worry, be happy.". Which just started the tune of "Don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright".
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Half marathon
Every once in a while, we wake up and find ourselves thinking a bit about our own well being and our own health.
I admit I am not the fitness type of person but I have always been ensuring I do some exercise. Moving back to home town made it difficult because the gym isn't as close as before and it really does challenge my own motivation.
I hope to be able to move back to London and sort my own schedule own to take care of my own health like everyone really should be doing but unable did to lifestyle and other commitments. I really want to be able to be responsible to my own body.
I did some running today and had some sweat when I got back and I felt the body sweat and the blood gushing around my unfit body. It felt good. The run that is.
Perhaps I can begin my target that I set almost four years ago of running a marathon - perhaps a half first. I remember agreeing to a friend four years ago. I am going to run it alone but I would have achieved something. This will be a challenge. I have a year to sort my own cardio out.
If it doesn't work out - as in I don't run it I would be having a fitter body.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Love
Saw this post on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/WHOYOU.THATXX]
And thought it's worth sharing to the ladies and gents out there. It's in traditional Chinese.
魯豫和前男友相戀了六年， 前男友都沒有娶她的意思。 於是她選擇了結束六年的感情。 當她遇到現在的老公時， 見第一面時，魯豫說她想結婚了。
她老公只是笑了笑， 在一起吃了頓飯，很開心， 第二天各自回家告訴父母， 一週後他們就訂婚了， 兩週後他們結婚了，現在四年了。他們有一個三歲的兒子很幸福也很甜蜜。
魯豫說: 一個人愛不愛你， 不是看你們在一起的時間長短， 而是他願意給你一個承諾。 我不懂什麼叫挽留， 我只知道，愛我的人不會離開我， 因為他知道，我會難過。
你無法叫醒一個裝睡的人， 也無法感動一個不愛你的人。世上不愛的理由有很多：忙、累、為你好.... 而愛的表現只有一個：就想和你在一起！給你一個幸福的家！女人餓了，假意的男人說：要不給你買點吃的，真心的男人說：走，帶你去吃飯。
女人生日的時候，假意男人說：喜歡什麼？送你個禮物。真心男人直接把禮物放在女人眼前說：這是送你的禮物。
女人要下火車，假意男人發短信：要不我去接你。真心男人說:我在車站接你。假意男人問女人有錢花嗎？沒錢吱聲。聽起來很慷慨大方！真心男人把錢直接放在女人手裡說：拿著花！
一個人，一輩子最重要的事其實就是選對身邊的人,不能給你溫暖的男人也只會讓你感冒！
And thought it's worth sharing to the ladies and gents out there. It's in traditional Chinese.
魯豫和前男友相戀了六年， 前男友都沒有娶她的意思。 於是她選擇了結束六年的感情。 當她遇到現在的老公時， 見第一面時，魯豫說她想結婚了。
她老公只是笑了笑， 在一起吃了頓飯，很開心， 第二天各自回家告訴父母， 一週後他們就訂婚了， 兩週後他們結婚了，現在四年了。他們有一個三歲的兒子很幸福也很甜蜜。
魯豫說: 一個人愛不愛你， 不是看你們在一起的時間長短， 而是他願意給你一個承諾。 我不懂什麼叫挽留， 我只知道，愛我的人不會離開我， 因為他知道，我會難過。
你無法叫醒一個裝睡的人， 也無法感動一個不愛你的人。世上不愛的理由有很多：忙、累、為你好.... 而愛的表現只有一個：就想和你在一起！給你一個幸福的家！女人餓了，假意的男人說：要不給你買點吃的，真心的男人說：走，帶你去吃飯。
女人生日的時候，假意男人說：喜歡什麼？送你個禮物。真心男人直接把禮物放在女人眼前說：這是送你的禮物。
女人要下火車，假意男人發短信：要不我去接你。真心男人說:我在車站接你。假意男人問女人有錢花嗎？沒錢吱聲。聽起來很慷慨大方！真心男人把錢直接放在女人手裡說：拿著花！
一個人，一輩子最重要的事其實就是選對身邊的人,不能給你溫暖的男人也只會讓你感冒！
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Wing makes sushi
If you know me, you will know I am a fan of Japanese cuisine. I enjoy the healthy, fresh and natural ingredients of their foods. Sushi is what I am describing. But I also enjoy the yakisoba's, udon and ramen as well because in comparison to sushi, these noodles have a stronger taste and a longer lasting taste in the mouth even after drinking some matcha tea. It's good for those that appreciate the strong taste such as garlic but not so great if you have a date or meeting.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be taught how to make sushi. With the help of my boyfriend going all the way to a different borough in London just to buy sashimi grade fish, going to his workplace to look for extra ingredients and items.
I began eating sushi, or should I say, raw fish when I was 16 - which is a mere 7 years. I used to dislike the idea of raw fish as bought up in a nation which is known to have a fish phobia (England) it was a little strange to me. But fortunately I was raised in a family which knew how to choose fish and understand the different types and spending a number of years exposed to these creatures in Hong Kong I do not have a phobia.
I remember my first attempt of Salmon was odd. It was cold, slimy, a little oily with a distinctive after taste. I was then hooked onto this type of fish. It took me a year or so to try Tuna but I didn't enjoy it as much. Until I discovered O-toro - which is the fattest part of the tuna.
I learnt how to use a rolling mat to make Maki's, how to make my own non-dodgy hand roll and just be a little greedy. Unfortunately the photos of my fishes are not as clear as I was too excited to make the sushi, the better looking photos are on my camera - somewhere too. But this experience has taught me to enjoy and apprecite the food more than I used to. I wish to make some prawn tempura maki rolls at a later date once I get the gist of the hand rolls and the ISO rolls.
I had always been intrigued at how this rose-like sushi is created, I was fortunate enough to have it made right before my eyes. It looks super pretty. I do fancy some as I am typing this.
We had some fish left and the next day I made some donbori and attempted to decorate it to make it look appealing. But the meaning of appealing varies from person to person I suppose, not forgetting I had some matcha tea to go with my donbori.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be taught how to make sushi. With the help of my boyfriend going all the way to a different borough in London just to buy sashimi grade fish, going to his workplace to look for extra ingredients and items.I began eating sushi, or should I say, raw fish when I was 16 - which is a mere 7 years. I used to dislike the idea of raw fish as bought up in a nation which is known to have a fish phobia (England) it was a little strange to me. But fortunately I was raised in a family which knew how to choose fish and understand the different types and spending a number of years exposed to these creatures in Hong Kong I do not have a phobia.
I remember my first attempt of Salmon was odd. It was cold, slimy, a little oily with a distinctive after taste. I was then hooked onto this type of fish. It took me a year or so to try Tuna but I didn't enjoy it as much. Until I discovered O-toro - which is the fattest part of the tuna.
I learnt how to use a rolling mat to make Maki's, how to make my own non-dodgy hand roll and just be a little greedy. Unfortunately the photos of my fishes are not as clear as I was too excited to make the sushi, the better looking photos are on my camera - somewhere too. But this experience has taught me to enjoy and apprecite the food more than I used to. I wish to make some prawn tempura maki rolls at a later date once I get the gist of the hand rolls and the ISO rolls.
I had always been intrigued at how this rose-like sushi is created, I was fortunate enough to have it made right before my eyes. It looks super pretty. I do fancy some as I am typing this.
We had some fish left and the next day I made some donbori and attempted to decorate it to make it look appealing. But the meaning of appealing varies from person to person I suppose, not forgetting I had some matcha tea to go with my donbori.
Monday, 13 January 2014
Earth Hour 2014
Earth Hour 2014.
Saturday 29th March 2014.
8:30pm - 9:30pm
I remember last year's Earth Hour where I switched all the lights off in my flat in Kingston whilst I had candles in my room.
I had dinner by myself with the candles and was writing my dissertation. Of course, in a peaceful and quiet moment it would be ideal if I shared the moment with someone special - unfortunately not. I went on YouTube and watched Mcfly sing life for Earth Hour. It was interesting to see there were thousands of people watching the same channel as I was at the same time during Earth Hour.
I am not the most "green person" I must admit but it is something really great. The world is changing and animals are becoming extinct, it is worrying. A little goes a long way and although things can't be changed it can be enjoyed and playing a small part can also make us realize how much we rely on lighting.
I cannot imagine the days where lights were quite a luxurious thing to have. A flick of a switch or pulling of a handle and lights come on. The days where people used candles and worry about the wind blowing the candles out. It seemed really scary but I tried it last year by myself and it was rather scary.
I suppose dark, windy and raining doesn't help and certainly being alone doesn't either.
This year's Earth Hour I have a better idea, as some places will take part in switching off their lights for Earth Hour, some places also participate. I want to be able to search for an area and go to a park or somewhere dark and take photos of the stars.
Light pollution meant we can hardly see the dark skies and stars, I want to be able to go and enjoy the darkness. I want to be able to do that with the person I love.
But looks like it will need to be another time - but Earth Hour is always on a Saturday.. Maybe just watching the stars on another random day or so will do (not really to be honest).
Saturday 29th March 2014.
8:30pm - 9:30pm
I remember last year's Earth Hour where I switched all the lights off in my flat in Kingston whilst I had candles in my room.
I had dinner by myself with the candles and was writing my dissertation. Of course, in a peaceful and quiet moment it would be ideal if I shared the moment with someone special - unfortunately not. I went on YouTube and watched Mcfly sing life for Earth Hour. It was interesting to see there were thousands of people watching the same channel as I was at the same time during Earth Hour.
I am not the most "green person" I must admit but it is something really great. The world is changing and animals are becoming extinct, it is worrying. A little goes a long way and although things can't be changed it can be enjoyed and playing a small part can also make us realize how much we rely on lighting.
I cannot imagine the days where lights were quite a luxurious thing to have. A flick of a switch or pulling of a handle and lights come on. The days where people used candles and worry about the wind blowing the candles out. It seemed really scary but I tried it last year by myself and it was rather scary.
I suppose dark, windy and raining doesn't help and certainly being alone doesn't either.
This year's Earth Hour I have a better idea, as some places will take part in switching off their lights for Earth Hour, some places also participate. I want to be able to search for an area and go to a park or somewhere dark and take photos of the stars.
Light pollution meant we can hardly see the dark skies and stars, I want to be able to go and enjoy the darkness. I want to be able to do that with the person I love.
But looks like it will need to be another time - but Earth Hour is always on a Saturday.. Maybe just watching the stars on another random day or so will do (not really to be honest).
Monday, 6 January 2014
Good bye 2013
Happy New Year! Wishing everyone on Blogger a lovely and exciting year with great health, great advancements and happiness in 2014.
I haven't posted on here for a while but my end to 2013 had been interesting, I had another roller coaster Christmas as usual but spent it with family as well as catching a flu. I had to catch it during the holiday season but the biggest surprise was I saw my boyfriend on the first Sunday after Christmas. He finally came to my home town and had some dim sum with me and took me back to London. It was a lovely journey because I know I was with him. We spent New Years Eve together in this really atmospheric french restaurant called Kettner's which is based in Soho. It was a random and last minute pick but it was romantic, i particularly enjoy the white piano on the side and the table we sat on was just perfect as it was rather close to us and the pianist not only played "Close to you" but also "Fur Elise" which really made the evening more special because I love the lovely slow but sweet melodies.
We went to the Match Bar but unfortunately wasn't THE event to be in because the music was a little off-putting due to the event invite didn't disclose the type of music, there was around 3 or so events happening at the same time for the Chinese so it was a bit of a lucky pick in some ways. I suppose it was fine as I was with Vince, which really made the place interesting. As per usual, alcohol and Wing doesn't go well together, reminded me of the time where I had a bit too much to drink when I was 18 one New Year's Eve. I didn't drink much this time, I hope I can get rid of my alcoholic impression in my friend's eyes when they find out =)
but Vince looked after me and I guess it was the first time he had seen me like this and I've shown him I am not good with alcohol. Maybe practice makes perfect again. 2014, I will be a better drinker.
But a reflection of my 2013:
I guess 2013 had been an interesting year for myself, I've made a lot of friends and lost an important friend. I guess friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest but instead it's about those who came and never left your side when you need them. I have been fortunate to be blessed with friends who stuck with me through my worst days so far and discovered what friendship really is. All my years I have had a wonderful girl who is in my life, made me laugh louder, smile brighter and live better. I've made new friends who of course had been talkative and good to talk to and it is really great to make friends with likeminded people that are also living close in the same town.
I've got my family. Not much to ask for :) but unfortunately I haven't visit Hong Kong last year, but hopefully I will be going back some time this year, but I will decide at a later date, I guess one of the reasons is I do get ill quite a bit in Hong Kong so in some ways it is a little off-putting when I go back as I know I will be on medicine again.
In 2013, I turned 23 (yes the number 23), I've grown up a little, I've played a new "sport" - something I've always been interested in but no I haven't played since summer.. so maybe I should rephrase it as, I had "experienced" something, I've partied twice in one week, I've written my dissertation, I've moved home to my parents like the newly stereotypes, I've waved good bye to higher education because I became a graduate in November, I've made a strong set of university family, I've fallen, I stood up again, I've been a little more immature.. but the most interesting thing is, I've met him.
I've rediscovered the meaning of "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
I cannot wait to 2014 and what this year will bring. Surprises? disappointments? laughter? tears? Life goes on but as people usually say - it's about how you choose to live through them. The glass may be half empty but it takes that one person to be with you for you to see that the glass is actually half full.
I haven't posted on here for a while but my end to 2013 had been interesting, I had another roller coaster Christmas as usual but spent it with family as well as catching a flu. I had to catch it during the holiday season but the biggest surprise was I saw my boyfriend on the first Sunday after Christmas. He finally came to my home town and had some dim sum with me and took me back to London. It was a lovely journey because I know I was with him. We spent New Years Eve together in this really atmospheric french restaurant called Kettner's which is based in Soho. It was a random and last minute pick but it was romantic, i particularly enjoy the white piano on the side and the table we sat on was just perfect as it was rather close to us and the pianist not only played "Close to you" but also "Fur Elise" which really made the evening more special because I love the lovely slow but sweet melodies.
We went to the Match Bar but unfortunately wasn't THE event to be in because the music was a little off-putting due to the event invite didn't disclose the type of music, there was around 3 or so events happening at the same time for the Chinese so it was a bit of a lucky pick in some ways. I suppose it was fine as I was with Vince, which really made the place interesting. As per usual, alcohol and Wing doesn't go well together, reminded me of the time where I had a bit too much to drink when I was 18 one New Year's Eve. I didn't drink much this time, I hope I can get rid of my alcoholic impression in my friend's eyes when they find out =)
but Vince looked after me and I guess it was the first time he had seen me like this and I've shown him I am not good with alcohol. Maybe practice makes perfect again. 2014, I will be a better drinker.
But a reflection of my 2013:
I guess 2013 had been an interesting year for myself, I've made a lot of friends and lost an important friend. I guess friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest but instead it's about those who came and never left your side when you need them. I have been fortunate to be blessed with friends who stuck with me through my worst days so far and discovered what friendship really is. All my years I have had a wonderful girl who is in my life, made me laugh louder, smile brighter and live better. I've made new friends who of course had been talkative and good to talk to and it is really great to make friends with likeminded people that are also living close in the same town.
I've got my family. Not much to ask for :) but unfortunately I haven't visit Hong Kong last year, but hopefully I will be going back some time this year, but I will decide at a later date, I guess one of the reasons is I do get ill quite a bit in Hong Kong so in some ways it is a little off-putting when I go back as I know I will be on medicine again.
In 2013, I turned 23 (yes the number 23), I've grown up a little, I've played a new "sport" - something I've always been interested in but no I haven't played since summer.. so maybe I should rephrase it as, I had "experienced" something, I've partied twice in one week, I've written my dissertation, I've moved home to my parents like the newly stereotypes, I've waved good bye to higher education because I became a graduate in November, I've made a strong set of university family, I've fallen, I stood up again, I've been a little more immature.. but the most interesting thing is, I've met him.
I've rediscovered the meaning of "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"
I cannot wait to 2014 and what this year will bring. Surprises? disappointments? laughter? tears? Life goes on but as people usually say - it's about how you choose to live through them. The glass may be half empty but it takes that one person to be with you for you to see that the glass is actually half full.
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