International Business BA (Hons)

This blog entry took a while for my to complete - although I graduated on the 7th November 2013 I had been speechless because it was finally the end.

Allow me to have the round of applause at my direction because I have finally graduated with a degree in International Business. Yes a honors degree as well. With 1200 hours of study (as written on my certificate). It does show I have been studying, well classroom and private studying is a different matter but I suppose it all adds up, not forgetting studying in the library during the midnight hours.

The past three years had been relatively special. I have learnt how to be officially independent, moving from Milton Keynes to Kingston Upon Thames by myself was something new to me. Although I always fly on holidays by myself, to different countries and traveled a lot by myself, it was different. I was going to be completely alone, no family members and no friends around. It's a place to start a fresh.

Let me tell you all a story..

I remembered when I first arrived up to Kingston Hill, it felt really strange, I didn't think my university campus would be uphill and surrounded by trees and slopes. The sounds of the trees being blown by the winds, the glistering sounds and the two squirrels running and stopping in sync with each other, it was like watching them dance and there was me being completely lost with my suitcase. I remember being greeted by this friendly "fresher angel" who helped me with getting my flat key and taking me to my room and thankfully my room was on the ground floor right next to the main door. I remember being really afraid, I even cried. I connected myself to the internet and it was pretty nerve wrecking, although it was something I did all the time anyway, I wonder whether my internet usage would be monitored etc. I remember the first thing I did was putting my bed sheet and pillow sheets into my brand new pillows along with my duvet. It wasn't like a room at all. It felt like a little room with a shower room that looked rather, simple. It was cold.

I met my flatmates, there were three out of 5 of us. That was the beginning of my fresher's week. I made my first shopping trip to Tescos and bought enough food and daily products to last me for half a year with constant use. I never been to a supermarket and actually think about household goods before. I really thank the people that's helped me.

I remember taking the university bus for the first time - the KU1 towards Seething Wells. I remember there was an "angel" telling everyone that the main first stop was "Town Center" then "Penrhyn Road" and lastly "Seething Wells". I remember I went inside the building and I had to walk around 5 minutes to get to this other building known as John Galsworthy Building and there was a queue of fresher's. I was in the queue and feeling extremely scared, everyone appeared to be talking to each other and I was alone, well there was a Chinese guy in front of me. But we didn't talk. After a while and taking my first ever university mugshot for my ID and getting lost, I bumped into that same Chinese guy and we just talked and chilled out. Turns out he was on my course too but living at Seething Wells and I had the luck to live right on the same campus as my lecture halls. I remember I was struggling to get back to my university campus because town was complicated and I didn't know where to take a bus, until I luckily bumped into a familiar face - someone I met at the student union bar. I didn't even remember his name. We both took the 85 back to Kingston Hill and that was my first ever bus trip in London - yes my first in my life too.

I remember I went to my first ever "club" in Kingston during Fresher's week and that night, I met Ken. It was a coincident because we both had a friend who knew each other and going to the same party and us both Chinese just got asked to go and met up.
We just talked as it was good knowing someone I can talk to and someone that lived less than 30 seconds on a different block to me. We went to Fresher's fair together on that Friday morning and signed up for societies - I joined the Badminton, Fencing and Volunteering.


I remember attending my first ever lecture and I was super scared, that was when I met my friend Jimmy. The Chinese guy who said "Hi, how are you?". I remember the feeling of relieve that I wasn't alone. I then attended my first ever Mandarin lecture and I met Joanne and Jimmy again too. Learning Mandarin was strange, it was difficult learning the basic tones and even three years later, my tones are a little dodgy too.

I won't forget the first time I met her. The girl who I met and became super close with. The girl who I became friends with on Facebook in August before university even started. The girl who I lived with. The one who I cried over and the one who will always be that special girl to me. The girl who I told all my issues and oversaw the flaws I had. The girl who always said "yes - lets do it". I call her my best friend. I remember I was home sick and I spoke to her about it. I remember I always used to go to Thorpe Park as an annual uni tradition and we went together. I've known her for three years. We been to Thorpe Park together three times.

I remember being elected as a Treasurer for my university's Business Society, the society was relatively new and it was only the second year that it started and it wasn't properly developed. I remember I was nervous when I  introduced myself to these second years, I felt different. I remember everyone was really friendly. I met Ali, Henry, Carlos and Andreas. These four taught me so much and welcomes me really quickly. There was another girl similar to me who was the secretary, she became my good friend too - Ejiro.

Volunteering for the first time was different, I made friends who all thought similarly to me, I remember the first time I did a fundraising event with a partner and he told me he was a Prince from some country.. etc. I didn't remember what he was saying but it was interesting to hear.

Second year - 2011 - 2012

This was the year where I moved out of university and lived with my best friend Kylie. It was different than first year because this time, we had to think about electricity bills, council tax and broad band choices, house chores etc. It was really exciting, stressful at the time but something I learnt. I was actually considering things like an adult. It was different from living at home, I actually learnt that in my flat, electricity bills were paid monthly, water is free at that flat and broadband is paid monthly too. (Mini success).

I was more aware of my university area by the time and I remember always taking the K3 towards Roehamptom Vale to Kingston Hill and I would sometimes take the 85 towards Kingston back down or the KU1 back. It was really convenient. I lived 4 mins walk from a fresh salmon bar, and Chinese take away, Hair dressers, Estate Agents, Wine and Cheese Store and even Asda. I could use 15 mins to walk to town or walk 5 mins to Norbiton train station.

University was different this year, I have a strong set of friends who I met in first year and even a group of society friends too. It was quite a pressuring year as I had discovered this year is equivalent to only 20% of my my final grade but at the same time I have to manage 8 modules, be part of a student society and courses too. As well as all of these, I would be travelling home every so often and have a social life. It was rather stressful at the time but it was also something great because I had been attending events every month due to society and I met a lot of different people from different courses, companies, and even learnt how to talk to different people in the same room who all had different experiences in life. It also meant I had to juggle gym every week and attend the conferences I had signed myself up to. But I kept myself extremely busy, every week so a little stress should be able to prepare me for the year after where I would be more busy. I also had a mentor in Croydon too. I met her at least once a month discussing my concerns regarding career, university and progress and she had helped me with interviewing skills, as well as CV and cover letters and how I could improve the writing structure.

I remember the Business Society's Ball being hosted. It was a success. But also strange as we had some issues with the committee members. But here's our society committee group. Being the only female was strange. I looked awful but this lot of people, helped me with my university stress and talked to me a lot and told me never to give up trying.

I remember failing an exam for the first time at university, which triggered my own inner fire. It was a module where I wasn't so sure of because I did struggle a little however I always did extra study on the module (Management Accounting) but I still didn't do well. I did remember I did reasonably "ok" in Financial Accounting, it was really different. But realizing the result in March had a little impact on my perspective for my other examinations during June, having to wait until the end of August to retake and results towards the end of September was something rather scary, especially it would affect whether I was able to continue onto my final year, or whether to change my degree to an "non honors" degree and spending an extra year to "top up" for the "honors" title was a difficult choice. Not forgetting the fact I had already been accepted by a university in Hong Kong I had to submit university and personal information about myself I felt lost. I was confused and had no idea how to choose.

Final Year

I remember I received an e-mail towards the end of September regarding enrollment, having being one of the last of many to receive the details made me a little worried because I had not received my details regarding my retake. But having double-checked, things had been clearer. I met my personal tutor a few weeks after that. This year felt a little like my first year at university because my friends were all studying abroad and I couldn't seem to recall as many people from the other modules, especially when I studied International Trade Law. I felt alone, everyone seemed smarter than myself and trying to fit into the lecture group was difficult because I knew no one and everyone had already formed their own circles before of their other modules in law. I made some friends who I was able to talk to during lectures but that was it because there was only 1 class and 1 seminar class a week and it was the same set of people.

Writing my own dissertation was something I had always wanted to do. I know it's strange, but I once had myself being asked why I wanted to write one and I had issues because I didn't study a certain module in my second year. But thankfully I was allowed. I chose Payment Protection Insurance. I was one of the last people to submit my proposal, the last few to send my survey and the last few to write my statistical analysis. I learnt how to use IBM's SPSS to analyse my results with just 1 month left to go. It was such a manic rush and in the end, I rewritten my whole dissertation as I had passed the 10,000 word limit and I didn't think my work made sense so just the last remaining 24 hours I rewritten my piece of work with 9900 oor so words on my dissertation. I had always been the one to complete my set tasks two weeks before a deadline but I chose to rewrite it last minute. I achieved my 2:1 which I was rather shocked. I found my own dissertation on my university's "dissertation" reference page. It felt good. It felt good that maybe someone some day at my university could use me as a reference, just imagining someone write "..as Tsang, W (2013) wrote.." and in someone's reference they will write: "Tsang, W. (2013). Payment Protection Insurance - Is it necessary?" on their work excites me. It was the biggest achievement of my education life. It's nothing major to many but to me, it was. I learnt so much in such a short amount of time. I didn't get the certain degree classification as I wanted and what others had thought I would achieve but I tried my best. I tried so hard. But I guess the most effort I had put in through the past three years was probably in my second year.

On the day of my graduation I was so nervous. I woke up super early and traveled to Kingston and took my parents to a town where I spent the most valuable and most exciting three years of my adult life. The town where I cried, place where I made lifetime friends, the place where I failed, where I succeed and where I ended a chapter of my life. My thank yous to these set of people..

My family
Without the family support, I wouldn't be able to complete my studies. The acceptance of me not being home, the acceptance of me not being caring enough, the acceptance and the endless support and freedom they had given me throughout my education life and especially the three years where I worked for my future and the same moment where I close my education chapter (for now) and begin a new chapter of the "real world". I cannot wait till I get to study for Masters, I hope I will study for it. Education never stops because people will eventually study for a professional degree or something different, and as my degree is CMI verified - apparently I have a clue of what to study later. But I loved how all my life, I had no pressure with the studying from my parents. I was really happy they spent the day with me on my graduation. It made my day. I love my family. "We believe in you, don't give up", "If you fail, try again"

My sister
She isn't my real sister. We are not blood related in any way. We grew up together and had always been close. My first real friend. The first person who taught me what friendship is. The girl who I looked up to as I was growing up and struggling to realize who I was. The endless support given from her. The girl who I contact first regardless of what happens and always the first point of contact for me whether it was something good or bad. She's the sweet girl who helps me turn my world right when it's tipped. The one who encourages me to do my best even if it was nearly impossible at the time. I remember attending her graduation in 2010's November and I sat wondering where it was my turn and on Thursday 7th November, it was my turn. Thank you my dearest Tiffany. "Love yourself before others" "You made a long way, I know you can be the best"

University family
This set of people. My university family. Ginny, Joanne and Jimmy. What can I do without you three? I remember meeting all three of them in different situations, Jimmy on my first ever lecture, Joanne during my Mandarin Lecture and Ginny, oh we met at Oceana Club, at the Bar. Yes a bar as well. We clicked, I think purely because the first thing we noticed was I had the Sony Experia X10 Pro and she had the bigger Experia version.

I remember I saw them more in my second year and it was great with them. My third year was lonely but we all kept in contact, we had a lovely dinner before they left to study abroad and had dinner when they came back. It was really good. We were always supportive of each other and always there. Oh we have Ken as well. :) Haven't really seen him much during my university life unless it's during the library revision period and third year but I am glad we became friends. I won't forget the phrases of "Will miss you all", "Life at uni is different", "You can do it", "I'll call you Wing jeh because you're the oldest"..

Friends
I have made quite a small number of friends during university. But at the same time, it's not the number of friends one can have but the number of friends who you both keep in contact with that actually matters. I made some friends who I will keep in contact with, and the friends who I will always remember. I made lovely friends, and friends who I still talk to. I am really glad I met them. Thank you for the support and saying "Wing you can do it"

Childhood friends
The set of friends who I knew from a young age and the ones who I became friends with the years before my university life. Thank you for always being there for me to fall back and talk to. Thank you to those that said "Kiddo, keep going", "Remember what you said to me before uni?"..

Vince
The one I met in April 2013. I can not thank this person any further. We argue A LOT. But without him being there for me during the stressful times during my final year, and constantly uploading delicious photos of food, I wouldn't remember to ensure I eat regularly because of studying. Thank you.

My three years in pictures.

First year

Ginny BB and myself. Our first and my favorite photo of us.

Thorpe Park with Kylie, Charlie, Jeremy and Harrison.
Me and my many facial expressions from the cold with Charlie.

My first K-Pop party.

Small world that Tiffany and Yung were friends.
Then came me and Kylie and we became friends the year after.

The first Chinese I met at Freshers! Ken!

Christmas Tree at Kingston in 2010.

Kisses for Kylie for her 19th.

I don't remember what happened there.

Jordinii and myself. 

Myself and Kylie <3 td="">

K-pop's school night.

Pre-Christmas meet up with the girls.

Linde's Karaoke party.

Second Year

Last minute decision to party after a whole week of last minute coursework study in the library.
I loved how everyone were doing different coursework but
we all sat together and had dinner together as well as playing pranks on others. 

Ejiro. The wonderful girl who I adore.

Tim Tim had always been there and one of the greatest friends I made.

Before I flew off to HK - Karaoke night.

Myself and the beautiful Joanne.

Last minute party group. 

It was a super late revision session.

The Business Society committee of 2011-2012.

Our awesome group of corruption and funny talks.

Ken's karaoke birthday.

Third Year

Myself and the pretty Jocelyn.

Berlin 2012 with the girls.

This is just the beginning.

My Kingston family.

Kitty, Kylie and me.

The law and business students.

Grooveline night.

Me and my Sis.

Sushi for my 22nd? Yes please. Thanks dears.

<3 td="">

Our winter bunny night.

I look somewhat evil with the lovely girls.

 My graduation day.

Mysely and Jennieeee!!

My beautiful dissertation and marketing course mate. 

Me and the future accountant.

Myself and SamSam

My university family.

Pouty Pout for the hat.

I love this photo.

Here is the end of my education chapter. Next chapter should be employment and I am excited and also scared. But I will cherish my life as a student.

Christmas Errands

Christmas is just round the corner, which usually means people are often running around doing their annual Christmas errands, for him and for her and this and that. As per usual, I am one of those who do all their Christmas errands online and looking around just before December. However this year, I have barely started my Christmas shopping, I have been making something special - handmade so maybe I can get away with that.. 

I've made my Christmas cards list though ;) but I have yet to buy the cards.. and no, they will NOT be hand made cards.

Honesty is beautiful

I love unmade beds. 

I love it when people are drunk and crying hard and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. 

I love the look in people's eyes when they realize they are in love. 

I love the way people look when they first wake up and forgotten their surroundings. 

I love the gasp people take when their favourite character dies.

I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the 

clouds.

I fall in love with people in their honest moments all the time.

I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared make up and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to be described. 

But sometimes we try too hard to please everyone we often forgotten about our own feelings. We suppress our thoughts and end up thinking about it repeatitively. We get told to never bottle negatively feelings up otherwise we will create our own spiral of negativity, but sometimes that is the only thing to do when the people you want to open up and disclose to isn't there. Smiling is infectious. It is the most easily picked up gesture but the hardest to keep when you are down. Keeping everyone happy is probably the hardest when you feel grey inside.

Perhaps it is easier to be honest with oneself and just try and keep the best smile on, after all maybe that smile which you are trying to keep on is making someone's day. 

Backup

I enjoy going to karaoke places because I enjoy seeing my friends and socialising. I enjoy the atmosphere, the games, the photos and the laughter but not forgetting singing.

I remember in 2012 when I first heard of the song by Sita Chan 後備 (Backup) I didn't think much but it was about a girl who is upset and feeling lonely because she is not the man's only woman. Many people discussed on forums this song was written based on the singer's real story about she fell in a love with a man. Regardless of the story, I always enjoyed her songs.

Especially that song, because I thought it really bought into the feelings not only would women but also men would feel if they feel they were they third person in a relationship. That's one of my favorite karaoke songs but having listened to it quite a lot of times and singing it randomly early this year, I find the lyrics more touching than it ever did.

The song was about a woman talking about how the man would go and find her in her messy house in the middle of the night really frequently. Being in the man's arm's she would feel the guilt, but at the same time not understanding why being in love seems like it is a crime similarly to facing death. She tried avoiding him yet she finds herself continually to find the man, it seems like she has lost herself emotionally to the man.

"let me be the one, one and only one" speaks for itself, despite knowing she cannot argue her way and how "sour" and upset she feels she still love him. "let me be the one, though you still have someone" is yet self explanatory. It seems like, she knows she is never the man's only one because he is already taken but at the same time since she is feeling this way and being so alone, why does she still need to pretend to be accepting this type of treatment?

The singer sings that he treats her like trash, if he doesn't want to care about her - he wouldn't need to. She mentions she feels like the cigarette that he takes - "take it as he please". Sad, disappointed and too afraid to shred a tear, he promised her it would be like a beautiful love song in the end, yet he announced to be with the other woman in church leaving her alone. The singer concludes the songs with the fact she rather the man just lies to her that she could be the one for him only.

What made my heart break the most in the song, was when she mentioned when she looked in the mirror and saying to herself  "Actually I am nothing special". Although she says she hates the man, she hates herself more.

It is a really beautiful song, full of emotions if you understand it. My translation isn't the greatest but perhaps readers, will get the gist of the idea. The music video to the song is here: http://youtu.be/Wm9KgQWVS3g

你習慣等到了　倦透的深宵
瞞著你伴侶偷偷再進入　我亂透家居
抱著你的身軀　還會心虛
當相戀彷似有罪　應該比死更空虛

我試過逃避你偏失控繼續想你
就似捉心理　定會輸給你　難有驚喜

Let me be the one, one and only one
沒太多計算　為你多辛酸　仍然死守的眷戀
Let me be the one, tho you still have someone
愛若那麼殘害自己心窩　為何要啞忍裝作大方

你對我如垃圾般　不愛理就不理
但我的底線　像你手香煙　隨你差遣

Let me be the one, one and only one
沒太多計算　為你多辛酸　仍然死守的眷戀
Let me be the one, tho you still have someone
愛若那麼殘害自己心窩　為何要啞忍裝作大方

傷心　失望　痛哭　不敢流露
承諾過若你的戀情曲終　給予我美好　wo~
即使甘願獻出給你作後補
為何你　在教堂中宣佈　將跟她到老

Let me be the one, one and only one
滴過幾次血　就算多心酸　仍然輸給這愛戀
Let me be the one, even just lie for once
對著鏡子呆望自己的講「原來我　根本不算什麼」
其實我　多麼討厭　自我

引用來源 http://www.littleoslo.com/lyc/home/%E9%99%B3%E5%83%96%E5%84%80-sita-%E5%BE%8C%E5%82%99-%E6%AD%8C%E8%A9%9E-mv

Equality

I begin to question, what is the norm in today's society when it comes to relationships. Summary:- Perhaps a century ago the norm is for men to have many women, women are more or less trophies, the more the better. Then some decades ago after legislation were put in force, tradition marriages ensures that each marriage has 1 man and 1 woman. Which was somehow pushed to this society for relationships.

But what is it today? that's because many people have relationships and someone else on the side, but that does not mean it is acceptable for people do follow suit. What about fairness? equality? I am scratching my head at the matter.

Why do some people believe it is acceptable to have someone else? what about their other half? what about the other person? can the word greed be used in this context? each relationships are different and there are many cases where it is difficult to decide on what is right or wrong but is it better for some to just stay together for the sake of staying together? Perhaps some people don't deserve to be loved wholly.

Men or women, deserve to have someone who loves them and someone who will make them their one and only, this is no fairy tale talk, but its a matter of fact. If people enjoy finding a third partner, they may be better of having no-strings-attached relationships or even open relationships. Why refer someone as their other half? what do you call the third person then?

Would the word insecurity come in place? do some worry their partners would have someone else so they do it themselves too? I was reading: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/cheating-study_n_4257115.html and someone got curious into the subject.

Some people do not understand the mental stress they give out, perhaps they do but refuse to make a move about it. Perhaps some should be fair, or even have the same experience being put back on them. Maybe they will understand the feeling.

Why is it that when men go and have flings or affairs, they are cheered on whereas women who do the exact thing gets called horrible names and are often frowned upon? Does living a double life really make one happy and secure?

My 23rd Birthday

My 23rd Birthday.

The annual event. Just like every one else's. As Chinese people have two birthdays (one for the lunar calendar and one for Western calendar) I remember there was always the special phone call I get first - the phone call from my grandma. I am able to not have my parents, the better half or friends saying the words to me but my birthday is not complete without hearing my grandma's phone call. 

It always fills my heart with warmth and love. 23 times this happened. No sorry, I get two phone calls, so it's actually 46 times (yes before I was 5 I was always with my grandma so she says it to me first too).

I began my birthday receiving my grandma's call right on the dot like normal, but before that I had my cousin saying those words to me, followed by the special someone, then parents, then the special sister then the 兄弟, then the friends.. Yes I know someone is missing in the sequence too.

I originally had plans to be in a different country but unfortunately it needs to be postponed to another time due to the hotel I wished to stay at was fully booked on the days I had chosen.

I saw friends and half of my university family, the other half couldn't make it but it was the messages that mattered. But on the day, I was spoilt the whole day by the better half who spent the whole day on me. Letting me choose the garments to wear and being around one of the busiest shops in London as well as having my favourite foods all in one day was amazing.

The dinner had been really special. Perfectly planned yet mysterious. It was my first time at the restaurant and I have to say, it didn't fail to disappoint a newbie such as myself, but what actually made it so "wow" would be the dessert. I somehow forgot the name of the dessert but it was chocolatey, crispy in it's own ways, the way the rock-like sugar melts on the tongue creating a little sound as I chewed every bite was delicious. It was special and I loved my birthday week, but the main day is what I loved the most.

The delicious dessert with my name written on. Along with a photo of myself and the better half.  Followed by a photo of myself, Ken and Jimmy, lastly the ice cream with the flavor of green tea and soy and vanilla.

Growing up

When you was younger, as in much younger you dreamt of many possible things that you would do if you could, or should I say once you turn into an adult all these ideas could come true.

As I was talking to childhood friends and looking back at our photos from primary school, everything seemed really different. The smiles were genuine, there was no such thing as "faking a smile", there was back stabbing but was only the petty ones and often sorted out really quickly, there was fall outs but we all missed each other. Arguments would be sorted by the teacher telling us to work together in groups and we were left to choose each other and bond again. 

It all seemed like last year. Primary school days were great because it was all innocent and real. The only cosmetics was really just lip balm and face cream, everyone's hair was au natural - natural curls and natural sleek, nobody gave each other many attention and the people that get the attention is the classmates, never have I cared about what others thought of me nor was the term popularity existed - the only popular girl was the girl with a boyfriend or the girl with the gadgets or the person with the shiny Pokemon cards, boys? They were gross, I don't recall crying apart from when mother has a nag at me or when I missed Hong Kong after my annual holiday and everyone was a friend to me and I was everyone's friend because we all knew each other and was happy to work together. 

What happened to being genuine in everyone's lives? What happened to the things we get taught in school? I've had the luxury of attending school and university and everyone I progress on, people seem to lose their kindness and I mostly see pretentious, people worrying about their appearance and people doing  things that they are not used to, to impress the people they don't need, just to fit in. 

I had a fall out with a friend of mine in 2009 I believe. I remember always talking to that person about everything, there are days where we didn't talk but when we talk it seemed like we had a million things to say, we clicked on really quickly through college and became close friends. We fell out and it felt really warm when receiving a message on my birthday with the name that they used to always call me. It seems like as much as you never spoke, on special days you are always remembered. My birthday in 2013 has been great and I learnt a lot.

Guess it's time for keeping in contact again. I learnt that when you grow up, you don't lose friends at all, you just happen to learn who the real ones are as try would always be around for you regardless of how long it takes for them to reply to you. 

My Way

Many years ago, there was a mother and father who was looking forward to the birth of something unique, something that is a representation of their love, when some time on the month of October in the year 1990, a child that was born. On a particular day, that was my first time looking into their eyes.

Over the years, they wished for me to grow up healthily, for me to grow up into someone who is able to stand independently, not needing to rely on anyone because I will be able to work out what I want and need to do in life. One day, I will grow up to someone who they will feel proud of, someone who is able to achieve so much more than they could ever achieve with their lives combined.

Like many, when they see their baby getting injured by falling over and distressed, they will do their best to comfort me, to constantly encourage me to stand back up and face whats put me down as everyone must learn to face their own difficulties when it happens. Looking back at my parents, I see that the years have passed, as I want to grow up so quickly myself I also noticed they are slowly slowing down and ageing. They are still as energetic but over the years of hard work, they manage to have someone who is well, and learning to face adult life. As I begin to walk faster they are beginning to walk slower. I stand taller and they are beginning to be the opposite.

This is my 23rd year of being alive. I am really thankful to be given the opportunities to never to worry. I've fallen a lot, as I grew up. But the door was always open and the light was always lit for my return to recover. But growing up, means tackling and handling it independently. Why share your thoughts and be a burden? I've fought and searched and found a way of how I want my own light to be shown. Maybe by the time I am 24, many things will be different.

Hins Cheung has written a song called "My Way" (http://youtu.be/J_rVAM7qFp4), I liked a particular part of the lyrics because it is something simple.

"I will find my way, I want a different way, after the wind and rain, there'll be a brand new day."

But I just wonder, when the brand new day arrives, will I be alone? or will there be something there waiting for me?

Thoughts

There are ups and downs in life. But if you can dream it, you can do it [Walt Disney quote]. It is an inspiring quote and possibly something that many people will think of at some point in their lives, but at the same time it is difficult because many things do lead to chance and luck. But as Thomas Edison once said, "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

Life is never easy and if it is an easy life then some are lucky. But for many others who I know are going through difficulties, whether it be relationships, employment or even education which leads to stress and confusion, just always stay positive as "optimism is the faith that leads to achievements", nothing can be done without hope and the confidence.

Uncertainty and burden

I am not the usual person who would doubt myself, but ever since I had joined the graduate job hunt it seems more difficult. I have been fortunate to get invited to interviews and assessment days and have even been offered a job, but not the type of job anyone would expect - flying to a foreign country may be everyone's dreams. Yes, it was my dream too.

Many would ask, why did you study a degree "International Business", learnt all the business theories and knowledge, continuously read up on current affairs (yes I have had active subscriptions to The Economist and The Harvard Business Review), I even have Forbes as my home page and taking modules that discusses foreign trade yet, I wish to stay in the country which many are looking to depart as soon as they can.

At all honestly, I taken this degree because I wish to make use of this knowledge and play a part in this ever changing business world. I remember as a little girl, I look at people in suits and ties, polished shoes and everyone seemed really tall and intellectual. I remember people telling me "Wing, just study hard through secondary, progress onto A Levels then university and you too can be like them". I deliberately studied Business during A Levels to college and then university because I want to change.

I remembered I joined my university's Business Society, elected as a Treasurer and being the first female as well. I felt very new but also knew I was doing something to not only broadening my own knowledge and connections, I was also helping other students understand and network, I experienced meetings and taking charge and reporting. It felt really amazing. Out of 4424 (KU, 2011) students there was only 2357 female students (which included foundation, first degree and PG students) I made it. It felt strange, people know you, the staff and the students. Seeing your own name on e-mails with a title and people students and companies will contact you regarding events to the university because of your society. It was really new and made it special because it felt like communicating with people but communicating with the people who made it, the people who is making a change to the society).

I get fascinated by how business operate, how different functions in a company work together to build this business empire, how Finance, Marketing and Human Resources work together to shape up a company, the countless talents and ideas all merge into one. Of course, there are many other departments that help as well but I find it really interesting. One of the most fascinating things I discovered about a famous business is FedEx, apparently after raising almost $90 million, they almost went bankrupt during to the rising fuel cost (we are talking about after 1971), the company only had $5000 dollars to its name. One of the directors (known as Smith) took the money and flew to Vegas to play Blackjack and won a reported $32,000 to cover the fuel cost. Businesses not only rely on talents but sometimes luck.

The business world doesn't look very bright, analyst have been having mixed feelings as it had been reported many times after the economic crisis, however I believe there will always be chances for graduates. But this feeling of uncertainty is a horrible feeling, I am pretty sure anyone who is looking for their first graduate job or even looking for a job is feeling it. I am fortunate to have parents, friends and boyfriend to give me all the support and listening to me talking about this uncertain future of mine. But I am beginning to feel like a burden to everyone.

First Football

So today, I was lucky to be taken to a Premier League game by my boyfriend who is an Arsenal fan. As someone who isn't a football fan it was a little nerve wrecking especially the etiquettes at a testosterone filled Emirates Stadium.

I manage to enjoy watching the game live as well as experiencing the game. For a 60,361 seated stadium I learnt that it is the third largest stadium in England after Old Trafford and Wembley.

I remember travelling down from Milton Keynes to Euston to see a few males already wearing the football team's shirt and as I met the boyfriend and travelled to Arsenal tube station I saw more and more people wearing the kit. Different colours for the different years.


There was a tunnel-like path from the tube and a short walk towards the stadium, there was also a number of floors to walk to the seats and it was truly amazing. Amazing to see the photos of the previous captains over the years, amazing to even see the Arsenal Souvinir shop, well, great that everyone inside the shop was thinking about the same thing - their football team. I was thinking, if the team lost, that long tunnel would be similar to the "walk of shame" for the fans but fortunately, the team won and it was a "walk of victory".

During the game I saw team work, I saw formation and I saw support. I enjoyed watching how 22 men are divided into their positions and working together to form a team. I saw supporter's disappointed faces when the players miss a potential goal, the way their hands are covering the sides of their faces and i saw how the supporters jump up of their seats and clap with their faces of joy.

It was definitely different than watching it on television because of the supporters reaction and hear the surrounding sounds of the chants and the sounds of the boo-ing when the opposing team (Tottenham) got the ball and was aiming at the goal, and when the team was arriving onto the pitch.



I just decided to make a little edit to the photo because I have no idea whether the boyfriend would like to see himself on here and for privacy issues *wink wink*

Thank you for taking me :) I enjoyed every moment of it.