Feelings

The last time a blog entry was made was quite a number of months ago, this entry I wish to focus on the word "feelings".

I seem to have this feeling of indecisiveness, this indecisiveness is due to feelings that has been developed unconsciously. I've met someone who's changed me quite a bit, I've learnt I am capable of doing many different things because of this "feeling that has been developed".

People may look at this as something "immoral" or "wrong" but what is wrong when it feels so right? how does one judge what is "right" and what is "wrong" when they haven't experienced this type of feeling?

I've felt a bit awkward because I'm not usually the indecisive type - unless we are discussing about examinations and such academical topics. I feel awkward because I have so many things I would like to say to that particular person however I am unable to because I once made a promise in front of that person I shall not say it, if so I will successful gain a degree qualification with just a "pass" when everyone that knows me, would know I wish to obtain an "first class" honours degree. Why did I use my future to promise? it is to show how sincere I am to keep my words.

I am finding it even harder because the feelings inside me is slowly releasing itself and is about to erupt. So what if the words are spoken? as destiny is sometimes said to be pre-written does it really matter? or shall I take a different approach and believe that destiny is always within my hands and it depends on how I am willing to change things?

If I express my words in such a manner it will not mean anything. I believe it will only make the situation awkward.

I am not the type to settle for long, because once I sense fear I will either end my fear by flying away or face the fear by fighting it, of course by pretending nothing has happened but this time, it is different. I am unsure on whether to fly off the problem or to fight the problem. Uncertainty could possibly be the word to describe it.

I have come to the conclusion to fight it by, sorting my own feelings first. Take the time to relax myself, to rethink, to give myself some time for myself to think what is right for myself. As rushing will never be perfect, however last minute decision may be the things that change and write history but I know perfectly well being uncertain will get me nowhere.