Uncertainty and burden

I am not the usual person who would doubt myself, but ever since I had joined the graduate job hunt it seems more difficult. I have been fortunate to get invited to interviews and assessment days and have even been offered a job, but not the type of job anyone would expect - flying to a foreign country may be everyone's dreams. Yes, it was my dream too.

Many would ask, why did you study a degree "International Business", learnt all the business theories and knowledge, continuously read up on current affairs (yes I have had active subscriptions to The Economist and The Harvard Business Review), I even have Forbes as my home page and taking modules that discusses foreign trade yet, I wish to stay in the country which many are looking to depart as soon as they can.

At all honestly, I taken this degree because I wish to make use of this knowledge and play a part in this ever changing business world. I remember as a little girl, I look at people in suits and ties, polished shoes and everyone seemed really tall and intellectual. I remember people telling me "Wing, just study hard through secondary, progress onto A Levels then university and you too can be like them". I deliberately studied Business during A Levels to college and then university because I want to change.

I remembered I joined my university's Business Society, elected as a Treasurer and being the first female as well. I felt very new but also knew I was doing something to not only broadening my own knowledge and connections, I was also helping other students understand and network, I experienced meetings and taking charge and reporting. It felt really amazing. Out of 4424 (KU, 2011) students there was only 2357 female students (which included foundation, first degree and PG students) I made it. It felt strange, people know you, the staff and the students. Seeing your own name on e-mails with a title and people students and companies will contact you regarding events to the university because of your society. It was really new and made it special because it felt like communicating with people but communicating with the people who made it, the people who is making a change to the society).

I get fascinated by how business operate, how different functions in a company work together to build this business empire, how Finance, Marketing and Human Resources work together to shape up a company, the countless talents and ideas all merge into one. Of course, there are many other departments that help as well but I find it really interesting. One of the most fascinating things I discovered about a famous business is FedEx, apparently after raising almost $90 million, they almost went bankrupt during to the rising fuel cost (we are talking about after 1971), the company only had $5000 dollars to its name. One of the directors (known as Smith) took the money and flew to Vegas to play Blackjack and won a reported $32,000 to cover the fuel cost. Businesses not only rely on talents but sometimes luck.

The business world doesn't look very bright, analyst have been having mixed feelings as it had been reported many times after the economic crisis, however I believe there will always be chances for graduates. But this feeling of uncertainty is a horrible feeling, I am pretty sure anyone who is looking for their first graduate job or even looking for a job is feeling it. I am fortunate to have parents, friends and boyfriend to give me all the support and listening to me talking about this uncertain future of mine. But I am beginning to feel like a burden to everyone.